Today I went on a hike during my lunch hour. This is something that I do through out the year weather permitting. As I placed one foot in front of the other I realized what a different head space I was in compared to last Spring. I cannot begin to tell you how much I was struggling in every way possible. With my life’s direction, love, finances, and just managing my life on a daily basis. I realized that last year I was at the Point of No Return.
That’s the point where there’s no turning back. Where your doubts, your sadness, your lack of belief in the miracle of you takes hold and you give up. I was so close to the line that if I had moved my foot forward my toe would have hit the line.
I’d lost passion.
Passion is what fuels everything. It’s hopefully what gets you up everyday. The passion to make money for your family, to save for the future, to explore new places, and to audition for the Amazing Race. Passion is the love of discovering something new, feeling deeply about something, anything, that isn’t all about you.
Passion is right before that first kiss where you look in each other’s eyes and you know it’s about to happen.
Blogging with its endless possibilities, numerous mindless tasks, answering comments, and the tick tack of fingers hitting the keys started the spark. But, the daily, weekly, monthly work of self-reflection, of trying hard, of letting go, and moving on is what fueled the flame.
I became passionate about other things that I had stopped feeling deeply about. My home which looked…cute….but was languishing to procrastination. I had stopped feeling that anything amazing would happen so why did it matter how my home looked. No one else really was seeing it. I began getting rid of clutter. You have to understand that my home was never filthy, it was never awful to the eye and people complimented my home when they stayed with me or visited. But, my home didn’t shine in the way that it used to.
When my Passion (now with a capital P) became reawakened I began letting go of all the things that kept my home from shining. I started to paint the walls, I bought new fixtures, and a funny thing happened I couldn’t believe how happy it made me to get rid of the old energy. I’m still in the process of doing this and it’s so enlightening and empowering. I am now able to let things go so that I can let things in: love, money, and opportunity.
My Passion is like Windex it wipes clean all of the film that kept me from dreaming. I see clearly now and I trust my vision. My Passion has burned away my doubts.
I trust myself again and it’s like a gift.
As I get rid of the past sh$tty decade I am running towards the goodness that I deserve, that we all deserve.
Then, I realize something that I hadn’t considered-maybe I needed to lose my Passion in order to rediscover it. To become connected to that feeling of loss and discovery. To be amazed that I made it to the other side.
For those of you who are in the passion years. Where everything has become grey don’t lose faith. Start looking, start looking for the thing that reignites the flame. Maybe you used to love cooking and you decide to volunteer and cook the homeless. Maybe you were a dancer so you decide to take a dance class. Just one a week and just commit to that and keep it simple. Or maybe you used to sing-so start singing in the shower.
You don’t have to be perfect. Just start.
Passion is insidious in the best of ways. It touches everything. When you feel Passion it begins to radiate out of you because when you’re totally engaged in living and excited about life you can’t help but radiate LIFE!
Today as I looked at the blue sky, the dry cracked earth, and the tiny flowers pushing out of the ground I’m amazed, amazed at this world we live in. I’m excited to be in the process of becoming fully engaged in living again. This time around I won’t take anything for granted.
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Love this post Michelle! I love the place you’re in right now – it’s very inspiring to read about!
Thank you Laura, it has taken a long, and I mean LONG time to feel like this. I just want to bottle the feeling up.
This is lovely to hear, Michelle, and I am very happy that you are now in a much better place. When I was reading your previous post, I could already feel your excitement (and passion) and I am glad I was right 😛 Happy adventures! I cannot wait for you to share all the exciting things that are bound to happen! Have a wonderful weekend! xo
I wasn’t sure if I would feel excited about my life again. It has been a very long road and I’m happy that I’ve begun to see the light at the end of the table. It has taken a lot of self-reflection, walking, hiking, talking to my friends and mom about my life. They have been so kind and patient with me and now I feel like I can move forward. It’s a wonderful feeling.
ha ha I felt that way running today since it’s the first time in over a month I’ve been able to run with my leg. I forgot how great it felt…and how out of cardio shape I became quickly. I think I’m in the middle of some big decisions where you seem to have a pretty clear direction of where you want to go. BUT…I’m starting to eliminate things that will either not serve me as much (even if I found the tasks fun), and some other things as well…
YAY, running!! I’m glad you’re back on the Sand dunes. I still have doubts and have thought of some different scenarios, the .25 cent Life Coach has been super helpful. I just have to trust myself and finally I think I do. I think you’ll be so happy to get rid of unnecessary crap. As I go through my papers, clothes, emails, and…ahem..people..I like freeing myself of situations that aren’t moving me forward. It’s a very powerful feeling.
Dealing with my producer this past week after being happy and not having had contact with him in about a week, I know that I walk around here tense all the time and my blood pressure is already high. Now I have to figure out how to write a post about my plans because he knows about my blog. My number one priority is finding new work…probably full time. I don’t think I can take freelancing anymore.
He has been making you crazy!!! I’ve been wondering when you would decide that…I think that you would be very happy dealing with someone/an organization that has very clear boundaries, respects your time, and challenges you at the same time. AND if that job is in L.A. then you could continue to live your L.A. life. Freelancing is working your nerves.
I love that; you don’t have to be perfect, just start. Isn’t that the way. I’m glad you got to take a break from work and enjoy the outdoors. I realize I almost never take my 15 minute breaks at work and how much that affects me. People are not supposed to be sitting in front of a computer for 8 hours a day. i am trying to force myself to get up. The work will still be there. I will be happier and better off taking a break.
Take your breaks. There is no reward for working throughout the day. You are legally allowed to have that time you live in a cool city-take your time and explore. I always feel so much more productive after going on a hike. I must say that people in my office are very good about taking their breaks and the ones who don’t get a lot crankier than the ones who do!
I think of the “P” word often as well – I always think of Passion as the short way of saying “If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well.” Plus, putting your ALL into something sure does make it a lot more fun. 🙂
I used to be so passionate about so many things that I’m amazed that at how easily passion was lost. Now that I’ve rediscovered it I don’t ever want to lose it again.
I’ve been thinking about this in relation to work/career. I suspect it’s inevitable that in any job you start to lose some of that intense fire over time – you start to come in a little later, take longer lunches, leave earlier (once you’ve gotten over that initial phase of making sure you are always first in last out). I think both employer and employee have some responsibility to keep engagement and challenge in the picture.
I will be starting a new job soon and though I thought I already had the dream job (which I do) this even tops that which I wasn’t sure was possible (though of course there are a couple smallish tradeoffs, nothing is ever 100%). Seriously, I’m having trouble sleeping because I’m so excited!
It’s like you’re watching me! Creepy-LOL. You’ve totally hit the nail on the head. I actually was incredibly passionate about my position for quite awhile, but then I got really frustrated because I had a horrible boss for YEARS who road blocked me and really hurt my career at that time. I tried but she just wasn’t interested in working with me. I’m really excited to hear about your new job and I love the fact that you’re even more excited about this job than the last!