One of my Grandmothers was a maid. My mother remembers going with her from time to time to the homes that she cleaned on the other side of the small mid-western town that they lived in. In fact, more than one person in my family has cleaned for other people and I am sure that a number of my older female relatives were also maids as well. In fact, I have even cleaned houses as a side hustle.
Recently I’ve had conversations with a couple of people about needing assistance to run the different tasks in our lives much more efficiently. Cat from Budget Blonde wrote a great post on her money philosophy and addresses the value of her time in that post.
I 100% agree that there is value in how we spend our time and where we spend it. Interestingly enough, I also had another conversation this week with a colleague of mine who was vehemently against hiring help (specifically for cleaning her home) as I spoke to her and pressed a little further I understood why she was so against it. Her Grandmother had also been a maid. My colleague is Latina and in that conversation expressed her discomfort with having someone come in to her home specifically to clean. She also mentioned that her Grandmother hadn’t been treated well in some of the homes that she worked in.
I imagine that my Grandmother had similar experiences. The thing is people need help to run their lives-and this is not a new phenomenon. Before, we used to have large extended families living together or living fairly close to one another. They were able to pitch in and help with the kids, cooking, cleaning, etc. at least that was the experience in my extended family.
Times Change
Now, family members live all over the U.S. The size of our families is shrinking, and the demands on our time seems to be increasing. I am aware that in the future when I have a family that I will need help-because I clearly need help NOW to run my life much more efficiently, with ease, and in such a way as to eliminate the amount of stress that I’m currently under.
I would love to have someone help me out now… but I feel like it’s difficult to justify having someone come in and clean because it is only 495 square feet. However, when I look at my work schedule: 40+ hrs of work, 15-20 hours of commuting time, and 20+ hours of side hustle and blogging I can easily make the case that I DO need some help. And clearly I also need to eliminate some things. Don’t worry-I’m working on that!
I Still Feel Uneasy
Right now I feel like I have that black woman “Superwoman Syndrome” plus the “Americans can do it all” complex all wrapped up in one. Why can’t I handle all of this? What does it say about me that I can’t wait to start having someone help me out with things I no longer want to focus on? If I had teenagers they would be tasked with helping around the house-for free! But, that’s in exchange for room and board. The thing is I clearly can’t manage everything in my life and do it as well as I would like without some support.
Even though I feel a bit weird about employing someone to help me with what feels like should be a straightforward tasks such as keeping my home neat and tidy it’s clear that I don’t have a consistent amount of energy to deal with that part of running my life in the long run.
Why are Americans so uneasy with asking for help?
I should mention that a number of my friends have: nannies/mother’s helpers (I was one once!) and other types of help around the house. in fact, when you think about work in general all of us are providing a good service to whomever we are serving in our line of business.
Because of people needing help in their homes, my mom, and lots of other people throughout history were able to eat, have clothes, and go to school. I would like to think that I would treat anyone who came into my home with dignity and respect. I understand on a very personal level the value of being helped out in your home-even if you have to pay for it.
Providing this line of service has served my family well and I am proud of the hard work, discipline, and drive that my relatives had to succeed in a line of business that doesn’t pay well.
Do you hire outside help? For which tasks?
How do you feel about it?
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I do. I have a wonderful young woman doing the cleaning and ironing for us. We kept her ironing even when we were paying off all the debt you know about. Thing is, I don’t think we can manage without her or at least our lives will be really difficult, without any possibility for having ‘family’ time. I’m okay with having someone help us clean. She is really good, she is very clever and is turning it into a business (she is a bit of a compulsive about cleanliness so she really likes cleaning) and we do treat her well.
I suppose, one reason why I feel okay with having help is because I have this attitude that if bad come to worse and I cannot be the best professor around, I can become the best cleaner the world has seen.
Maria, the day is coming closer and closer when I will be working with someone to help me run my life better. At this point I still feel a bit weird about it but when I have a family I won’t give it a second thought. Also, because I have cleaned homes I understand and appreciate from the working side how it is a business and that it is an exchange of money for service vs. “being served.” As a person related to women who have made their livings cleaning for others I do find myself feeling conflicted at times about where my head is at when contemplating this type of support. But, it’s obvious that I can’t do it all and no longer want to…so things will change pretty soon. I think it’s exciting that the young woman you’re working with is starting her own business! That’s awesome.
Love This! I hired a cleaning service once and it was priceless. It was a HUGE help. I actually lounged around at the pool while they cleaned and they had my place cleaner than it had ever been. I would hire them again except now I feel the need to “clean before they come to clean”. I also suffer from the “it’s easier to help others clean their homes than me clean mine” syndrome too. I think your friend is missing out on the opportunity to hire cleaners and show her how nice most people treat their hired help. Maybe she would be the perfect client because she has a chance to balance out all of their crappy clients!
Actually, my colleague will never hire help. She was pretty serious about that and she actually has a mother-in-law who cleans her house whenever she comes over. Not sure what that says about the house or the mother-in-law! I’ve heard of people needing to clean before the cleaners come. I vaguely wonder if I would be that person. I don’t wear shoes in the house so whoever helps me would have to change their shoes to indoor shoes 🙂 Throwback from my Japan days.
Hi Michelle,
I have had maids in the past, even though I have never lived in a particularly large or grand home. I first had help when I actually lived in a resident manager apartment in a dorm. I had a new baby, the help was the daughter of our dorm cleaning person. This was years ago, and I recall feeling a bit weird about having cleaning help for such a small place but thinking that it was a help to me and to the person who I was paying to clean- she had other resident managers she cleaned for as well. I remember that she kept protesting that I was paying her “too much” (this was a small liberal arts college in a rural Midwest area).
I had two “cleaning ladies” in succession over 7 years when I moved to a century home in a nearby village. They were local people who advertised by word of mouth and cleaned for many local families- they had built up a clientele. One I recall also ran a large dairy farm with her husband. The other lived in town and carried a spray bottle of water with her in my house to fend off my rather docile cat, of which she was terrified. They were both very diligent, honest and dependable, and very affordable to me. I think that is the main reason I had them- I did not work outside my home but was active in the community and had one young child and a large yard, which I maintained myself.
Fast forward 20 years- living in a city 3 bedroom condo with my husband. No maid or cleaning help, but my husband is in charge of pretty much all of the bigger cleaning jobs, plus laundry. So I guess I do have help…
I think you make a very important point towards the end of your comment-this is a business for most people in addition to other work that they may be doing. I love the story of the spray bottle and the cat. I am super allergic to cats and they love me so I live in fear that their dander will get on me!! I think it’s pretty cool that your husband is in charge of the bigger cleaning jobs…but I have to do my laundry. I have a process 🙂 Thanks for the awesome comment.
I can understand why your colleague doesn’t want a maid. In her shoes, I would probably feel the same way. I am definitely not afraid to hire help. In fact, I couldn’t have my life without help. 🙂 I’m a firm believer in treating people as you would like to be treated, although it doesn’t shock me to hear that people treat those working for them badly. The people that I hire, whether it’s my cleaning lady, VA or paraplanner, all take pride (hopefully) in doing a good job and providing for their family, just as I do in my work. I am happy to take those tasks off my list and pay them well for doing a good job.
I am thinking about this issue in the same way. Treating people with dignity and respect for doing work that I HAVE DONE is a no-brainer. Because I’ve helped people as a: mother’s helper, cleaner, run errands, and barista 🙂 People were able to do the things that they needed to, saved time, and I made money. A win, win situation.
My mother worked as a chambermaid for several years until she landed a government job. It has been several years that my mother employs a cleaning lady since she is physically unable to clean her place. I just asked her how she feels about that and her response is “I am helping someone to earn money they need and I pay them fairly and treat them with respect. Nothing wrong with that.” I also side with my mom’s way of thinking.
I love the way your mom thinks! It’s hard because I have all of these conflicting feelings that are tied together with issues of race, class, and power. However, I know that I need help and I would be helping someone by providing a job. That simple. I’ve benefited because my relatives were able to work in jobs that most people wouldn’t want to work. And quite frankly, I would do all of those jobs again depending on what was going on. The key is to treat people the way that I would like to be treated-with dignity and respect.
Only every once in a great while (like twice a year for deep cleaning). But I don’t have a problem asking for help if I need it. I think it’s totally ok if you have the means and it truly does help you our and you’re not exploiting the help in any way, meaning treating them badly, not paying well, being mean, etc. Not that you are any of those things. 🙂
I’ve never hired anyone to help me in this way so it does feel a bit strange. Usually I am the person who is helping someone else with whatever they need help with. Thanks for your faith in my ability to be a good person LOL!! I try everyday 🙂
I have never hired household help, but I’d love to at some point. I will probably be the one who cleans before the cleaners come. It’s hard for me to pay someone to do something I know how to do just as well. Now, if it’s car repairs or home maintenance, I have no issue with that at all. We could do most of those things, but probably not as well or efficiently as someone else.
I think people who treat domestic help are probably the same people who yell at my receptionist because they were late and can’t be seen. I believe people who are mean to strangers are usually upset about something in their own lives that they can’t control, so they act out toward others. It must be a really sad emotional state to live in.
I would absolutely love to have some help now. I just can’t justify it right now. And that makes me sad 🙁 I agree people who are mean,etc. and treat people crappy are probably like that in all aspects of their life. I am actively focusing on being a good person, treating people well, and remembering that Karma is no JOKE!
I have four grown children, and I was a SAHM, a part time worker, and a full time worker over the years. Now, I am back to part time. (teaching sub) I have never had a maid–ever. I simply could not justify paying someone to do what I can do. In fact, my husband and I have learned so many trades and skills over the years (plumbing, electrical, car repair, sewing, home DIY) because we were so necessarily frugal, we didn’t want to pay anyone!
I actually do not mind housework. I come from a family of six children and we all pitched in. We taught our kids to do the same. I work hard and fast and get it done. It’s great exercise and strangely rewarding to plow through it all. I always keep the clutter at bay and I do something each and every day. However, if I ever did hire someone, I would certainly treat them with dignity and respect. There is honor in all work.
I love how you ended your comment with, “There is honor in all work.” I should mention that if I had children over the age of 5 they would be doing chores (like I did) and helping with some of the tasks needed to help run the home. But, I’ll be honest my mom will also help with my kids (she has already promised!) And that help I WILL take. LOL. If I had pre-teens and older, cleaning would be part of their chores (as it was for me) since I’m feeding them, driving them around, etc. It’s reasonable that they do that UNPAID. I don’t believe in allowance for things they should be doing.
I don’t mind housework and quite frankly I need the exercise, I just want to focus on other things and right now with the schedule that I have (over 60 hrs dedicated to work related activities) I just don’t have the physical or mental energy to clean.
When I first got divorced my brothers girlfriend cleaned my house and did all of my laundry for $40/week (I think) I desperately needed her. I was working two day jobs, trying to work on a side business, and learning how to parent on my own. I was more than exhausted and honestly didn’t have time to clean or do laundry. (Before hiring her I actually remember going to K-Mart to buy my kids an outfit for the next day because there was literally nothing clean.)
I have more free time now so I can handle these tasks on my own. But I never regretted having her help me at that point in my life.
Now I like my cleaning time because I use that time to listen to business podcasts 🙂
Alexa-WOW!! You were working like crazy and I’m so glad that you were able to hire your brother’s girlfriend (a great price too). I think that there is a point where you just have to admit that things are too much to handle. I am at that point and am aggressively downsizing so that I don’t have to deal with so much stuff. Am embracing minimalism like you wouldn’t believe. I love that you’re listening to business podcasts. Awesome.
Our place is just too small – it would be ridiculous, really. But absolutely I would, when we buy a house.
My place is too small, but I will be getting some help when I buy my next place.
It’s really interesting reading the connotations of ‘help’. I do think about things like that and its partly why I feel weird about recently hiring a cleaner. I also feel like I should be able to do it all. I worked as a cleaner myself all through uni though, so I’m trying to see it as a win-win thing (the cleaner is earning money and I am getting some sanity time after work.)
“Help” is a very loaded idea in the U.S. I have a lot of friends in other countries who have had people coming in to help with: kids/cleaning/the yard/etc. Americans are very uneasy with the idea of asking for help in general. Then add a component of classism (which we insist doesn’t exist) then it goes all pear shaped.
It’s an interestingly complex thing when you’ve had people in the family do that work and not be treated well. We’ve been on both sides of the coin and I can see the reasons to be uncomfortable with it, but knowing what we know, and knowing how to treat people with respect and dignity, I think that it makes sense to hire someone who’s good at their job when you need the help. It is helping them make a living, just as you’re getting help to make your living indirectly, so that just makes sense to me.
It’s the people who aren’t going to treat their employees well who don’t think about it at all, I suspect.
It is an interesting mix of: race/class/and power. So, when I talk about these types of issues I bring those realities to the discussion. I have to admit that the reality that my relatives existed in is very different from the one that I am living. Since I have cleaned homes I think I will bring an awareness of what NOT to do and treat anyone that I work with, with a high level of dignity and respect.
I have a cleaner every time I rent my house so she does a deep cleaning, and she earns the same as my handyman (usually cleaners earn less than men), plus when she cleans quickly she can go home around 2pm instead of 4pm for a full day, and I enjoy seeing the men jealous as they have to keep working haha. That is my little way of showing them cleaning is just as respectable as their work.
When I am on my own, even if the house is big, I feel stupid having one person clean for just myself, and I enjoy the cleaning time to think and clear my mind, but I have her come sometimes anyway so she gets money and keeps going to school part time.
I used to work a lot in the UK and still had a maid for about $30 an hour, who did my share of the cleaning, the roommates did the rest. It was worth it as I had several side jobs and coming back to a clean house to relax was lovely.
I get where you come from and at the beginning, when I was not even 25 and having a maid, it felt weird, but I always treated them well and thought if they were there it was because they needed the money.
I just need someone to come in and help with the deep cleans! I absolutely love that you pay her the same as the workmen and I had forgotten how it can be in Central/Latin America re: ease and affordability of hiring people to help. I enjoy having a clean home, I no longer enjoy cleaning because I don’t have a lot of time. If I had more time I think it would be a different issue. All of my European friends have someone who comes in to clean. They work pretty long hours so it’s really helpful to them. Americans are a bit more…resistant…to this concept because we believe we can do everything ourselves.