I really should call this a financial rude awakening. But, really it’s the 1,123rd time I’ve started my debt freedom journey. Ok, maybe I haven’t tried that many times but it sure feels like it. I mentioned on Monday that I had a serious mindset issue that I had to work through which was fear of the unknown. The unknown being debt freedom. It pains me to admit that for the longest time that I couldn’t imagine that debt freedom could be a part of my life because debt had been a constant companion for my entire adult life.
Debt
Debt has been that mean hot boyfriend that you just can’t get enough of who pulls you back into the cycle of feeling like you’re so lucky to have him…until he turns on you and makes you feel like crap.
Debt has been that one thing that I’ve had to focus on basically….forever…what on earth would I focus on once I kicked it to the curb?
Debt has given me a lot of great blessings such as:
- My home
- My education
- Some fabulous trips
In fact, I don’t hate debt. I’ve just changed in some profound ways in regards to how I view spending money and am very clear about how to manage my wants and needs. I just don’t need debt anymore because I want cash. I want that feeling of not having to guess what’s going to happen next. Cash is that cute shy friend who has a crush on you and keeps showing up and supporting you and you’re completely oblivious to how great he is until that time your car breaks down and he fixes your tire.
Cash is the equivalent of that relative who always has your back (as long as you’re ethical). Cash is just so much easier.
Cash is Bae
Cash gives but doesn’t take from you. For the past year I’ve lived on cash and I’ve loved it. But, at the same time I lived on a variable income and just didn’t focus and things kind of went to hell in some ways financially.
The sad thing is there really is no reason that I should have allowed this to happen. I could blame it on a lot of things: habits, overwhelmed, checked out, needed a break, etc. But, ultimately it doesn’t matter why, it just matters what do I do next.
Interestingly enough my financial habits are GREAT. I’ve eliminated my impulse shopping, I rock my savings apps, and I’m pretty happy with life in general. I’ve decreased my yearly budget substantially and rock my mindful substitutions. I deeply believe in my business and what I have to offer and share with others and I love lifestyle flexibility. So, why haven’t I kicked my debt to the curb?
The truth is there were four (additional) things that messed me up:
- Lack of urgency-I believe that many people (myself included) don’t feel a sense of urgency when dealing with debt. You make your monthly payments and basically things are fine. That’s what I’ve been doing until my variable income dipped and my savings wasn’t enough to cover everything. I had to scramble to cover everything and that was an ugly couple of months. Earlier this week I mentioned that the election and current global “energy” has created a huge shift in my sense of urgency. To put it bluntly-I am very, very, very, very freaked out/concerned/unnerved by what’s going on in our politics and globally. This deep unrest, etc. is normal and pops up every 40 years or so. However, regardless of how normal it is-it is happening while I’m still relatively young and still want to make some big things happen. I feel very much at risk with the debt that I have and now I’m working hard to take care of it.
- Disorganization-I normally have spreadsheets and different websites that I use to help me manage my finances and keep track of any outstanding debts. It pains me to admit this but I just stopped using my spreadsheets and I got rid of MINT because it wasn’t working for me anymore. The thing is I didn’t add a new system or work on spreadsheets until this month.
- Lack of Focus-Working for yourself is awesome in so many ways. But not so awesome in others. I discovered that I might, just might, have some hippy tendencies in regards to how I like to live my life and that working for myself tends to make those tendencies worse. Examples include: I could go hiking everyday, talk to people, and meditate and just “check out.” And, I kind of was. Ahem. I find myself enjoying reading or journaling at times when I should be working. Patios are oh so enticing and they are EVERYWHERE in Denver. There is nothing like sitting on a patio having a lovely glass of something with alcohol in it or a fabulous cup of coffee and discussing cool topics ranging from life, love, business, race, and fitness. Or, just puttering around in my garden. Or, bartering for goods. My point is I was drifting a bit and just mellowing out (no ganja people!) and it was great to a certain degree but horrible for my money.
- Embarrassment-I blog about freaking money! What the hell? Why is it taking me so long to get this done? I’m embarrassed and a little bit mad at myself. Who wants to admit that they f#cked up royally? But, I did, and I am. And, it’s time to stop being mad at myself and take some focused, sustained action.
Debt Freedom Journey
A reboot. I consider my journey beginning officially this week. My goal is to be debt free by July 24, 2017. Even though I’m annoyed with myself and embarrassed that it’s taking so dang long for me to focus and get it done-I’m sharing my journey because I want you to keep trying even when you’re embarrassed or feel like you’re taking forever.
It’s o.k.
I love the personal finance community but there are some people who will talk about myself and other people who have taken a long time to get things done. They will say “Michelle has been blogging forever, she has taking trips, why hasn’t she focused and gotten it done?” They will bring up other people in the community who still aren’t debt free and wonder what’s going on with them?
And, here’s my answer: “It’s my life, my journey, and my painfully slow pace. And, the only person that my pace truly affects is…me. Seriously. You can talk about me all you want but your opinion doesn’t affect me in the slightest. But, MY opinion of myself and my actions are affecting me. I am my harshest critic.” Finally, I will get it done apparently at my own pace. But, it will happen.
If you are out there struggling to get it done-keep picking yourself and trying again until you get it done. I won’t judge you because I get it.
My New Spreadsheet
Has given me a sense of clarity. I spent the past couple of days figuring out what I owe, to whom, and working on a strategy. I am not sharing my number now but I’m feeling a lot more comfortable with the idea of sharing the amount sometime in the next year because I find that it increases the level of accountability to myself and to my readers.
On August 1st I will begin using Personal Capital to manage my investments, budget, and net worth.
As a result of creating my new spreadsheet I’ve already paid off 2 tiny amounts that I owed today and will be paying off another item by Monday of next week. I’ve decided to approach my debt repayment process using the Dave Ramsey Method/Smallest to Largest debt owed process. I just need to experience some wins and create some momentum as I work on this project.
Let’s be clear
I will still travel (unapologetically) I will still have fun, I will still do what makes me happy. I will take dance classes (signed up for a Masterclass with Yanis Marshall am EXCITED). But, there will be a couple of differences.
- I plan to work harder-It pains me to admit this…but, I wasn’t working as hard as I should have been. The freedom to relax was so nice. I still do some fun side hustles. They are really fun and pretty straightforward to do. I’ve reached out to my my side hustle peeps and increased the number of gigs that I’m working on. I’ve also reached out to previous side hustle peeps and let them know that I am looking to work more.
- I finally believe that I can do this-For the longest time I just didn’t believe I could rock this out. Now, I believe that I can. When I believe I can-I do. I believed that I could go to Europe when I was right out of college. So I worked for 70 hours a week for months so that I could go. I believed that I could go to college and graduate in 4 years and I did. I believed that I could buy a home. I made it happen. When belief matches action things come together.
- I am growing my business-There are a ton of opportunities to make good money with my business. I plan on rocking all of those opportunities and am working towards them now. I am in the process of reaching out to people that I’ve collaborated with in the past and seeing if they are needing content. Let’s be clear-my goal is to work smart vs. working hard. I try to make as much as possible in as little time as possible. My long-term goal is to decrease my freelance writing as my business grows. But, it doesn’t make sense for me to not utilize a great way to make money. So, I am increasing my freelance writing as I work on my debt repayment. Currently I am earning between $100-$375 a post. I will begin re-negotiating my lower paying clients this fall. I also plan on aggressively working on growing the different arms of my business.
This post was a lot longer than I intended but when you’re doing a reboot on a 5 year journey there’s a lot to discuss and flesh out.
Have you had to reboot a journey that you’ve been on? How has it gone?
Did you get judged and how did you deal with it?
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I’m sure you’ll achieve your goal!
Thanks Giulia! I truly appreciate your continued support 🙂
I need to refocus on finances as well. I’ve definitely slipped the past two months and there have been some unavoidable expensive things, but I really want to get back on track. Spreadsheets rule!
I do so well when I have a nice list and things to do. Sometimes things come up and we have to pay for them. You’re financial picture has changed so I would look at those purchases through that new lens. Summer is also tricky because there is so much to DO!!
One of the things I’ve liked best about the personal finance community is the refreshing lack of judgment, but I seem to only focus on certain sites – the ones written by open-minded, supportive people. They seem to be the majority (in the PF world.) I have read a few sites that seem to focus on more negative beliefs…or damn people for not being “smarter sooner.” I mostly ignore those sentiments, because we do all have to learn our lessons on our own. Our journeys are unique. You’re ready NOW. I look forward to seeing you tackle it. Plus, just reading your site and seeing how you’re mindset has shifted and your readiness has grown is good for others who are working on their mindsets and readiness. It takes time.
I truly love the people in the personal finance world that I surround myself with. They are some of the most amazing people I’ve ever had the good fortune to meet and become friends with. I too avoid the negative sites because they do nothing for me. I’ve had to work through my journey my way and I’m ready NOW. I’ve been a bit amazed at my ability to endure certain situations for longer than they serve me but when I’m done-I’m done. And, I’ve finally hit that point with my debt. It’s time to take care of it and move on.
Not sure if it’s a reboot per se, but I did look at one of my goals for the year and wondered why it hasn’t happened. I realized that I got content and didn’t work as hard as I should have. I now know that I will reach my goal VERY soon. I wish you much success on debt freedom journey.
*PS I literally laughed out loud when I read that you have hippy tendencies. I can definitely see them.
This goal is just such a big one to wrap my head around and then I added variable income to the mix which complicated the process. The reality is there is a level of sustained epic work that just has to happen in order to make things happen. Now that I have literally only 4 projects that I’m working on it’s a lot easier to focus on them and get them done. Yes, I have hippy tendencies-I own them LOL!
Good for you, Michelle! Recommitting to a long-term goal is tough, but it sounds like you have the motivation and momentum to make it happen this time! While what I’m doing is no where near as challenging, I recently recommitted to a 108 yoga practice after punking out twice in the past. Somehow this time feels different; I feel more committed because I’m less focused on the outcome and paying more attention to the practice itself. 10 days down, 98 to go! Good luck to you.
I love yoga! I’ve heard of the 31 day Bikhram Yoga Challenge but not the 108 Yoga practice-good luck! I appreciate your support and I’m a heck of lot more focused and physically and mentally rested. It’s time to get this done.
I’ve had to reboot a few times because of divorce, health issues etc. I am also a firm believer in living life your way. Screw what others say about getting debt cleared and not living life. I think you have a great balance and keep it real 🙂
Thanks Kylie!! I really appreciate your support and encouragement. I have to be me and do what’s best for me. I’m excited about the reboot and am thinking this is it. I’m crazy motivated. Time to get this done.
Cash is bae! But, having debt is really a challenge we have to experience first and learn to deal with. Without it, I think I wouldn’t have valued money more.
Yep! Cash is bae. Having experienced debt for more years than I would like-I can officially say that I’m totally over it.
I’ve had to “reboot” many times over the years as well due to unforeseen circumstances. Creeping towards “retirement” years(is there such a thing…), I have been working on ridding myself of debt and have been on a cash-only diet for a few years now…difficult but also satisfying and creative at times. I look forward to seeing your success and hope for success on my end as well.
Initially I felt badly that I had to do a reboot but I would rather come clean and admit that I’m basically starting my process again than not being upfront about the fact that paying off debt is HARD. I’m very fortunate that I have an amazing community of people who want to see me succeed and are supporting me. Now, I’m just working on this next stretch. The hardest thing I had to deal with was mindset. My mindset is pretty good right now so now is the time to get it done.
“Debt has been that mean hot boyfriend that you just can’t get enough of who pulls you back into the cycle of feeling like you’re so lucky to have him…until he turns on you and makes you feel like crap.”
Love this!
My confession: we only recently cleared the CC from the balance that had built up during unemployment. It felt so good! But it’s crept up a bit this month again due to a few things coming at once, so we need to sort that out in August.
I do have a post coming up on my relationship with debt, which may run into some naysayers – debt has been a really good thing for me generally. Still hate it, but using it smartly has been key and I’d be better off embracing that earlier.
I am of the opinion that naysayers can say all they like-but they aren’t paying your bills. The minute they start paying your bills then they can say all they would like about what you’re doing and what your process is. Without debt I wouldn’t have: an education or a home. I think that the disconnect comes from really young people making huge financial decisions without enough financial education. It is part of my mission to educate people about how to make big picture financial decisions as you manage day to day stuff.
It always seems you are saying just the right things when I’m walking into the room. Yes its me and I am still alive!! I started my business and not only has it taking over my life, but my finances are now slowly becoming a hot mess!! So I am on the updated…revamped….upgraded….brand new yet old…journey with you. We can do this!!!
Petrish!! You’re back! How are you? How is life? I want to know everything. Fortunately hot mess finances can be cleaned up and taken care of. It’s hard but totally doable. I can’t wait to hear what you have to say.