I’m in a very different head space right now. After returning home from Podcast Movement and seeing my Grandma I feel like I am free to focus on some things that I’ve put on the back burner…like my debt repayment. Fear has left my house.
5 Years
I began my blog in 2012, I was overworked, exhausted, and dealing with a severe case of depression. I just didn’t feel like myself and it showed to the people who knew me well. What I didn’t realize as I began my blogging journey was that it would take many years to work through my spending habits, my mindset, and replenishing my energy in order for me to focus on killing my debt.
During that time I stayed in my job for an additional 2 years so that I could work on killing my spending habits, minimize my budget, and get the right headspace to make the leap to self-employment. What I didn’t realize was that for the past year I would be exhausted physically and mentally from the previous 10+ years of struggle.
I was freaking tired.
And, I realized that I was scared. I was scared to imagine what debt freedom would be like. Because it would be another 2-3 years of hard freaking work. I’ve mentioned this fear before in the past couple of weeks. What I didn’t mention was that I had accepted mediocre results because I was afraid of what the “other side” looked like. Also, I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to reach my goal…so I just didn’t dig as deep as I needed to make things happen.
I used to work almost 70+ hours a week including my commute time. I’ve spent some time wondering why I haven’t worked as hard as I used to for someone else…but, for myself? While I had many successes from the past year I feel that I’ve allowed myself to accept mediocre results and mediocrity.
Quite frankly, I’m a little underwhelmed by the business side of my past year.
I’m Competitive
Seriously. People who know me well would actually be surprised by this admission. Even though you’re not supposed to compare your journey with other people’s I have begun to find myself feeling competitive again. I want to report that I’ve killed my debt and that I’ve had $10,000 dollar earning months.
In the past week both my mom and Grandma (who are not related) and haven’t spoken in years mentioned how competitive I am. This is a good thing. It means that a key part of my personality is back. The fear I have is now very much connected to not achieving this “one huge thing.”
I’m no longer afraid.
I’ve done a lot.
- Supported my mom and I while working at Starbucks and going to graduate school
- Fallen in love…twice 🙂
- Become self-employed and then an entrepreneur
- Hiked the Stairway to Heaven in Oahu
- Been in a music video (seriously-R Kelly filmed one at Red Rocks)
- Studied abroad in Paris
- Studied abroad in Buenos Aires
- Learned French
- Become a blogger
- Become a podcaster
This is not the complete list by the way. I realize that when I put my mind to it I am capable of amazing things. As I looked back at my life I’ve surprised myself so many times. I don’t want to keep showing up at FinCon with this still pending over my head.
So, I’ve decided that I will be debt free by July 24, 2017. Which also happens to be my birthday. I plan on paying off:
- My student loans
- My mortgage
- Any unsecured debt (credit cards)
- My mom’s mortgage.
I have an idea of how I’m going to do this and it requires me to…ahem…work harder and focus LOL! I also have 150% faith that what I want in my life is coming but that the debt is literally blocking my future blessings.
No More Fear
I am no longer afraid of the work that it will take to become debt free and I’m no longer afraid of life after debt freedom. And, I’m no longer afraid of potential “failure.” I’m actually pretty freaking excited about it. I’m starting a new phase in my journey and I can’t wait.
This Time of Uncertainty
I should also mention that part of why I am so focused on this now is not only because I have physical and mental energy…but, I’m also deeply concerned by the social and political unrest that we’re currently experiencing.
I believe that this is a natural part of existing. Life isn’t always smooth and easy. But, right now especially intense.
I am quite frankly unnerved to a degree that I’m being spurred into action. I can no longer ignore that now is not the time to have debt. In fact, no time is a good time to have debt but I’m also convinced that in the next 4 years that we will continue to experience political gridlock regardless of who is elected President.
It’s time for me and for you, dear reader, to get your financial house in order. Start now or begin again.
Forgiving Myself
I no longer feel badly because I haven’t met this specific goal. I just wasn’t ready. Now I am and I understand that everyone has their own pace. Now, I’m in beast mode. I’m looking forward to proving to myself that I can finally get this done.
Let’s see how things go.
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Michelle: You are so wise. I really appreciate the raw honesty and hope in your posts. I feel very inspired by you. You are also such a giver. It’s so refreshing to read advice that helps others. Thank you. You are a very smart business woman and I know you will rock it.
Doria, I’m only wise now because I’ve learned everything the hard way LOL! I appreciate your continued support and encouragement. I’m going to need it as I move into this next phase.
Good luck Michelle! I know, and more importantly you know you have it in you!
Thanks Tonya! I appreciate you dear friend and I appreciate that you believe in me 🙂
Congrats!!! How amazing that will be. And how much more flexibility you’ll have without a mortgage. Cheering for you 🙂
Well, we shall see how it goes. I’m just trying to work through current debts and then have my eyes focused on the mortgage. Keeping my fingers crossed.